men are like rubber bands

Men are like RUBBER BANDS. When they pull away, they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A Rubber Band is the perfect methapor to understand the male intimacy cyle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again.

Most women are surprised to realize that even when a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.

Women misinterpret a man's pulling away because generally a woman pulls away for different reasons. She pulls back when she has been hurt and is afraid of being hurt again, or when he has done something wrong and disappointed her.

Certainly a man may pull away fro the same reasons, but he will also pull away even if she has done nothing wrong. He may love and trust her, and then suddely he begins to pull away. Like a stretched rubber band, he will distance himself and then come back all on his own.

A man pulls away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy. When he has fully stretched away, then instantly he will come springing again. Automatically he will be more motivated to give his love and receive the love he needs. When a man springs back, he picks up the relationship at whatever degree of intimacy it was when he stretched away. He doesn't feel any need for a period of getting reacquainted again.

- John Gray, Ph. D.